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thecav
Age. 32
Gender. Male
Ethnicity. White
Location Prince George, VA
School. Univ of Virginia
» More info.
See the Sun
Sunday. 10.2.05 11:51 pm
I'm comin' 'round to open the blinds
You can't hide here any longer
My God you need to rinse those puffy eyes
You can't last here any longer

And yes they'll ask you where you've been
And you'll have to tell them again and again

And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day
Well I promise you you'll see the sun again
And you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness
And I promise you you'll see the sun again

Come on take my hand
We're going for a walk, I know you can
You can wear anything as long as it's not black
Please don't mourn forever
She's not coming back

And yes they'll ask you where you've been
And you'll have to tell them again and again

And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day
Well I promise you you'll see the sun again
And you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness
And I promise you you'll see the sun again
And I promise you you'll see the sun again

Do you remember telling me you found the sweetest thing of all
You said one day this was worth dying for
So be thankful you knew her at all
But it's no more

And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day
Well I promise you you'll see the sun again
And you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness
And I promise you you'll see the sun again
And I promise you you'll see the sun again
And I promise you you'll see the sun again
And I promise you you'll see the sun again
I promise you you'll see the sun again

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Rejection
Saturday. 9.24.05 2:22 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Why
Tuesday. 9.20.05 12:27 pm
Why did this have to happen to me?

Why couldn't I remain happy?

Did I do anything to deserve this?

What can I do to be happy again?

Will it take another 18 years before anyone else likes me?

Can I regain my trust in people?

I want things to get better.
I don't know where to start.
I want to curl up in my room and make it all go away.
That doesn't work.
I'm going to have to buy a new box of tissues this week.
Has anyone else ever felt like this before?
I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
Why me?
Why now?
How do I know this won't happen the next time?
I need to get better.
I don't know how.
And everyone needs to fucking stop saying time.
That may help eventually, but that doesn't help now.
It doesn't help put my heart back together.
It doesn't help that sinking feeling that I can't get rid of.
Time has only cemented for me the reality that my life just got fucked up.
And there's nothing I can do about it.
Why am I so loving?
Why do I get so attached?
Its my weakness.
I need to get rid of that weakness.
I wouldn't be able to stand feeling like this again.
I wouldn't.
I'm close to not being able to now.
I need to realize that I need someone who wants to be with me and won't throw me out when they're feeling bad.
That's the first step.
And stop striving for something I can't have. Even though every single part of me wants it. Wants it sooo bad.

Why me?
Why did my heart have to shatter?
Do I mean nothing?
Do I have self-esteem now? No.
Can I look myself in the mirror and like what I see? No.
I see an ugly worthless person who's desperate for something that was ripped from his heart.

I want to give up.
I want to not try.
I told myself a long time ago that there was nothing I couldn't have if I tried.
I was wrong.
So very wrong.

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FUCK!!!!
Saturday. 9.17.05 10:43 pm
I sit in my room every night and wonder why to go on. Why should I keep doing work? Going to class? It all seems to pointless now. My motivation is gone.

I'm single now, and I have to say I've never felt worse in my entire life. I hate this. All of it.

FUCK THE WORLD, FUCK EVERYTHING

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Song
Friday. 9.16.05 11:10 am
We listened to this song in philosophy while talking about the existence of God.

Link to the song

Dear God
Artist: XTC

Dear God, hope you get the letter and...
I pray you can make it better down here
I don't mean a big reduction in the price of beer
But all the people that you made in your image
See them starving in the street
'Cause they don't get enough to eat from God
I can't believe in you

Dear God, sorry to disturb you but...
I feel that I should be heard loud and clear
We all need a big reduction in amount of tears
And all the people that you made in your image
See them fighting in the street
'Cause they can't make opinions meet about god
I can't believe in you

Did you make disease and the diamond blue?
Did you make mankind after we made you?
And the devil too!

Dear God don't know if you noticed but...
Your name is on a lot of quotes in this book
And us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look
And all the people that you made in your image
still believing that junk is true
Well I know it ain't, and so do you
Dear God
I can't believe in
I don't believe

I won't believe in heaven or hell
No saints, no sinners, no devil as well
No pearly gates, no thorny crown
You're always letting us humans down
The wars you bring, the babes you drown
Those lost at sea and never found
And it's the same the whole world 'round
The hurt I see helps to compound
That father, son and holy ghost
Is just somebody's unholy hoax
And if you're up there you'll perceive
That my heart's here upon my sleeve
If there's one thing I don't believe in

It's you
Dear God

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Life
Monday. 9.12.05 12:32 am
Life officially sucks right now. It fucking sucks.

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